Life Lessons – Embracing Fear

Why is it that some people continue to grow and flourish in life while others remain stuck and confused? There is no one answer, but it is clear that life will continue to present lessons until we learn them. These lessons feel like déjà vu unless we develop the capacity for growth. Growth is different than fixing or problem solving. Growth requires us to learn something new and, through action, to integrate these new skills into our lives.  

Psychological growth is the ability to recognize that life isn’t being done to us, nor is life about defending against all of the things being done to us. In the briefest sense, growth can be described as the qualities of acceptance, action, willingness and resilience, rather than blame, control, denial, defensiveness and rationalization.

How does this play out in life? Suppose you feel stuck in your job or relationship. 

At some point, you realize you’re doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Rather than defend against unrealistic expectations, you might honestly ask yourself the question: Why do I stay in this situation?

Acting with fear, rather than bracing against fear, is a growth move. 

Although the answer to this question is complicated, you realize the bottom line is a fear of change. Fear paralyzes and the unknown is frightening. This admission allows you to broaden your lens so that you may see other possibilities. You now have a choice to shift attention that was supported by fictions, defenses and rationalizations into personal power. Acting with our fears and anxieties, positions us for new range of actions, and new possibilities that could not be seen before.

This evolution is true growth. You are learning new skills and building your capacity to act with and include fear so that alternatives and choices can now be seen.   

Guidance to increase our capacity for growth:

1. Notice instances where we defend against, rather than accept, reality.

2. What do we observe when we allow our feelings to surface versus suppress them?

3. How can we embrace our fears rather than avoid them? 

4. Where can we seek support as we learn new skills of personal empowerment?